Rewind
by rainflower
Summary: Five years to overwrite, an infinity to fail. Action, Romance, Drama, AAMR.
1. One End

_Rewind_

* * *

He grabbed my shoulders and made me look into his eyes.  
"Misty, look at me, and listen carefully."

We were both breathing heavily, from running so fast.  
"You have to go back. Don't ask how." He paused. "I made a lot of mistake-"  
I had to interrupt. "No Ash, WE."  
"Alright, WE made a lot of mistakes. Starting around five years ago, when we got in the middle of this mess. Sometimes lies feel better than the truth. And that's what you have to do, you have to go back, and make sure we stay ignorant. You'll remember everything that has happened, so you'll know exactly how to fix it. You can live a peaceful future, and forget this time, which will become only a memory."

It was all happening so fast, I didn't understand what he was getting at. "But-"

"No." He cradled my head in his hands. "You are going back. And you're going to overwrite this awful future. Just promise me one thing, don't forget this me, and the few things we did together." He looked on the verge of tears, and I felt I should be, but I was almost too sad to cry. He turned to leave, but then came back.

"There's one mistake I made, that I'd never want to erase."  
Very quickly, I was in his arms, and his lips were firmly pressed to mine. It had started a very sudden, and very full kiss. And it only continued to become more so as I felt his tongue enter my mouth. I then realized exactly what I was doing, I had my arms around his neck, and one hand was drifting up into his black hair. My lips were moving just as frantically around his, filled with the equal passion, and hope, that just maybe our earthly problems could be forgotten and we could continue as people were meant to live. His arms pulled me closer, melding my body into his. I tried to hold on as he pulled his lips off mine, but he still held me fast against him, and I didn't want him to let go.  
"I fell in love with you."

I just held onto him tighter, he knew my reply, he knew I felt the same way. And we both knew there was nothing ahead for us. He looked into my eyes, caring.  
"Turn around, and close your eyes. Please do not look back. Just remember me, this me."  
He released me, and I was instantly void of his warmth. But I obeyed, turning around, and slowly closing my eyes.

There was a beeping noise, the door opened.  
One shot.  
One gasp.  
One thud.

I knew what had happened, and even though I couldn't see, I could still picture it. His lifeless form lying there, his lips that were just seconds ago on top of mine, dripping with blood. I felt so angry, I was so sad that it made it impossible for me to cry, I couldn't cry, I couldn't cry for him. As I opened my eyes, I felt a single tear escape, I watched it drop onto the floor.

It was the last thing I saw.

_to be continued..._

* * *

This story is © Rainflower  
Thank-You to Nintendo and Game Freak for letting me use their characters (even though they don't know it).  
All original Pokemon characters, etc. are © Nintendo and Game Freak, not me!


	2. First Failure

_Rewind  
First Failure_

* * *

It was like a blink. Nothing more, nothing less. I tripped as I took a first step, and my face met the ground much faster than it should've. Dirt and grass was spit from my mouth. I stood up, and finally realized that I'd shrunk. My eyes drifted to my clothing, jean shorts, yellow tank, and red suspenders. In the back of my mind I knew what had happened, and what to expect, but I never really believed it before.

"There you are Misty!"

My head turned immediately at the sound of my name, and I gazed upon a much younger Ash. He still clad the Pokemon League cap, that hid his marvelously uncontrollable black hair. And he was only as tall as I was.

"Let's get back to camp, Brock has dinner ready." I watched him pause and cock his head. "Are you okay Misty? You look a little pale."  
I quickly put on a forced smile.  
"I'm fine! Let's go!"

Ash started walking ahead, and I just followed, still in a daze. My legs didn't feel right, being so much shorter than I was used to. But the one thing I couldn't understand was how? How did I go back?

"MISTY!?"

Again I was jerked back to reality and frantically looked around for the source.

"Misty, you were walking strait out of camp!"  
"Oh, um yea. I was just daydreaming!"

Ash got a very puzzled expression, then shrugged. A new voice came to my ears then, no, not new, I just hadn't heard it in a very long time.

"Hey, you guys! Dinner is ready!"

Brock. I just sat down, and ate the delicious food, silently. I thought about what I needed to do now. He had said to keep us ignorant, or more so, keep them ignorant. And I knew what was going to happen, so it would be easy, right? But I couldn't remember, it was long ago, and I had desperately been trying to block it out for years now. Unbeknownst that it would later be critical information. I suddenly remembered how it started, at least most of it, but it was enough. 

What time was it now? What day? I had to know, so we could run......and fast.

"Ash, please tell me, quickly. What day is it? And what time?"  
"Well, it's Thursday, and-" He pulled out his Pokedex, and pressed a button. "It's 5:23PM. But why do you want to know?"

My fingers rested over my lips, I was trying to remember, it had been Friday. I think. Could we spend the night here? Yes, nice and rested so we could run the next day.

"Misty, you're acting strange, what is wrong?"

What was wrong? Many, many things were wrong with the seemingly perfect reality they knew. There were enemies all around.

"I'm just really tired, I'm sure I'll be fine in the morning Ash, don't worry."  
He scooted a little closer to me and peered questioningly into my eyes.  
"Since when are you so nice to me?"

Why on earth would I be mean? I was always nice to him, wasn't I? Again a revelation hit me, of what I used to be. Circumstances made a big change on me, I was almost a whole different being. But how could I fake my old self? I put on a more sarcastic voice, one that I hadn't used in ages.

"I already TOLD you Ash, I'm tired. I don't have enough energy to argue with you!"

Then he smiled, content with the fact I sounded 'normal' again.  
I slipped into my sleeping bag, and rested my head. Ash and Brock were still eating and talking over by the fire, and my thoughts drifted to what had happened earlier, or rather later. The kiss mostly, the warm feeling of Ash's lips, and how right it felt. And then he was gone, and yet he was sitting only a few feet away from me now. I thought of the future, I thought of my past, I thought I wasn't tired, and yet I slept.

It was still dark, but we needed to get going. I slid partially out of my sleeping bag and started shivering frantically. Every part of my sensible mind said to curl back up in the warmth and rest some more, but I couldn't. With clenched teeth I stood up and instantly started shuffling my feet. The ground was cold, my arms were cold, and the bones in my legs felt as if they vibrated. Why did I wear these clothes? I made a mental note to re-do my wardrobe as soon as possible.

"Aa-Ssshh."  
I think it was the sound of teeth chattering that woke him, rather than the sound of his name being hissed. He just opened his eyes and squinted at me.

"Ash, we need to go. Please just wake up Brock and get packed."  
He was still squinting at me. "Wha? Why?"  
I sat down beside him as he sat up.

"I'm sorry, I can't explain because you wouldn't understand."  
"Let me get this strait. You want me to leave in the middle of the night, for no reason, because I wouldn't understand what you won't explain?"  
The tone of his voice was strange, it almost hurt. He thought I didn't trust him, but I couldn't tell the truth! He wouldn't believe the truth.  
I leaned over and kissed him very lightly, and shortly on the lips. Maybe it was the darkness, maybe it was because he wasn't wearing his hat, maybe I was addicted to him after the first kiss. But I just ran afterwards, I ran and sat down behind a tree. Because I honestly didn't know what to do!

Then I heard noises, Ash was packing, and it sounded like Brock had gotten up too. I couldn't help but smile, maybe this wouldn't be so hard.

All of us were soon traveling in the darkness, I held Pikachu in my arms. I knew what had happened last time, and I was extremely determined not to let it happen again. I led the group as far away, as quickly as I could. It was soon dawn, and then almost noon. We stopped and sat down to break for lunch when there was one shot, and Brock fell, dead.

I gasped, how could they have found us? We were far away! Unless.....unless they had been following us. And that would mean it was inevitable, I couldn't prevent this from happening! But as long as they didn't find out anymore.

"Run Ash!"  
We were off at a full blown sprint, adrenalin pumping. It came as a total shock when I felt excruciating pain and my leg gave way. How could I be shot? I hadn't been shot last time! Pikachu was still in my arms, and it came to me.

FLASHBACK  
The sound of electricity cracking came to my ears as I continued to run. A gun shot was heard, but I kept running. But what hurt the most was Ash's scream, "Pikachu! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
/FLASHBACK

Pikachu had saved me, but I never realized it because it had happened so fast. But now, it didn't have the chance, and it was....my turn.  
I let Pikachu out of my arms, "Pikachu, run away, please!"  
It's eyes were large, and sad, but it gave a quick nod and scurried off into the trees.  
I must have been crumpled in a heap on the ground, looking pitiful, but I closed my eyes and prepared for the inevitable. A shot rang out, but the pain didn't come, just a heavy weight on my back. Was I dead? But I managed to open my eyes and......there was Ash, he had blocked the bullet. And the only word I could think of was: failure. Look at what one little mistake made! Look at how easy it was to fail! I had a whole other chance, and look at how quickly I had failed.

And what do to now? There was nothing to live for! Nothing!  
I just closed my eyes, wishing I could've done something with a chance, wishing I had done anything but fail.  
A tear ran down my cheek.

_to be continued..._

* * *

A/N: Please note that although this may seem slightly like an end, or even that Ash is permanently gone from the story, it is not the end, and Ash is definitely not gone. There is actually much more to come, just please keep your imagination open, since this story takes many, many twists along the way!

* * *

This story is © Rainflower  
Thank-You to Nintendo and Game Freak for letting me use their characters (even though they don't know it).  
All original Pokemon characters, etc. are © Nintendo and Game Freak, not me!


	3. Blurred Shadows

Book 5

_Rewind  
Blurred Shadows_

I didn't dare to open my eyes again, so they stayed closed for the longest time. That caused me to fall asleep, and thus, I woke up. The surroundings looked familiar, but the havoc and terror didn't seem to be visible anymore. Ash was not there.

Now what had happened!? My head ached with the confusion of it all. Now accustom to the much smaller body, I started walking a bit, only to meet the last person I'd expect.

"ASH!?"  
My mouth was agape, as I awed at the fact he was perfectly unharmed.

"Hi Misty, I was just looking for you. Brock has dinner ready."  
Confusion, and utter confusion. I just couldn't understand what was going on! This had already happened, and now it was happening again! Did I get another chance? That was defiantly what it appeared to be. This time would be different, but unfortunately that meant it had to be the same as the first time, the very first time. The beginning would have to be the same, Ash would have to find out a little bit, but not all.

Again I faked a sarcastic and playful voice, imitating my former self.  
"Ok Ash, I'll race you there!"

It was dark, and I again found myself in my sleeping bag. But this time I had nothing planned. Unfortunately I had to live out this first day just as before, I had to watch two close friends die. Again. I had already tried to stop it, and it didn't work, they were following and there was no way to get away from that. I banged my fist against the ground. What was I supposed to do after!? Just hide.......forever? I....guess that....could work. And I just HAD to remember to act like my old self, more problems could arise if I didn't. But now I have to surrender to this enemy called sleep.

When I finally re-opened my eyes it was well into the day. The glint of dew was gone from the ground. Ash was playing with Pikachu a few yards away, and I couldn't see Brock. He was off getting water. Strange knowing the future, strange changing it, strange living the past over again. I was so tempted to ask Ash what time it was, but would the old Misty really have done that? Brock would be shot when he returned, which could be any moment now. I scurried out of my sleeping bag and rolled it up. It really was a beautiful day, I just never really paid attention, with my mind on other things. The sun was high and radiant, a sleeveless shirt allowed my shoulders to feel the internal warmth it gave. Only a light breeze, just enough to let the forest dance. And shadows haunted the floor, almost silhouetting the disaster to come in this picturesque setting.

We were all just so innocent. I glanced over at Ash, he and Pikachu were carelessly playing without a notion, even a hint, that this was a turning point. And to one creature, a dead end. Sad isn't it? Nowhere to be cowardly, no time to be strong. And that leaves you to feel it, just let it all come at you full force. I could feel the muscles in my fists tightening. How could people be so cruel? Look at us! Just look! We were happy, with goals and dreams, and fantasies. And all that can be ripped away so easily. No matter how far you reach for them back, your hands return empty, clutching nothing but the darkness. Yes.....it was a good thing we were strong. It was a good thing Ash was strong.

The sound of rustling brush was what I heard next. And at that I lowered my head.

"Oh Misty, you're up-"  
Brocks voice was cut short but the gun shot. It was sounding all too familiar, almost just like it was part of the scenery, no different than a Spearow's cry. That distinct sound of a last breath, you can always tell by the sorrowful screech it leaves in your head. Almost screaming "And there will be no more." Then there's the falling, the thud of a lifeless form against the living ground. I could never bear to watch.

Ash yelled "Brock!" then quickly ran to his side, with Pikachu following. He held his fingers to Brocks neck, checking for a pulse.  
"Misty...he..he's....dead."

I ran and kneeled down next to him, also surveying Brock's lifeless form. Cautiously peering into his face I saw a couple tears slither downwards to meet the ground, then suddenly his sad expression changed to one of almost anger. He whispered at me through clenched teeth, "Who would do this?" And then a shot rang out again, barely missing my own body. At that Ash screamed "RUN!" And that was exactly what I did, exactly replicating what I had done before. Except this time I remembered to grab my sleeping bag. There was the sound of electricity running through the air, there was that final bullet, and Ash's cry for his first Pokemon. The scrunchie that was keeping my red hair tamed fell out, and as I turned around it hung past my shoulders.  
"Ash, we have to get out of here!"

His face was wet with tears, but he still had a sense of control about him. We both ran now, together, anywhere but that clearing in the forest. I couldn't feel my feet moving, adrenalin was empowering them to speeds I never knew possible. And we just kept going.

It must have been hours later. The trees started to bore me, there were so many in sight. And finally, a clearing. It was surprisingly large, and the trees framed the lush central grass. The shoes that covered my tired feet were caked with dust; I was just so thankful to stop and sit down. Ash was seated beside me, and his face looked hard and cold. Our heavy breathing was all I could hear, until Ash spoke, "I think we lost them. I hope we lost them. But who were they!? And WHY WOULD THEY BE AFTER US!?"

He was seriously upset. And so was I in fact, even thought I knew all about it. "I'm not sure," A lie, right there. "But at least we got away safely, and we can just keep hidden." Isn't that what Ash had told me to do? Keep ourselves out of danger instead of searching for it like we had before?

"No Misty! We can't! I have to find out who murdered Pikachu and Brock!"  
"We don't stand a chance! Don't you see that? Even if we did find them they have guns and we don't!"  
"Well then what do you propose we do? Just stay here in the forest and hide forever? Never knowing anything or getting any answers?"  
We were both lying down but propping ourselves up with our hands. Oh if only Ash knew what the future was! If only he could see that knowing nothing WAS really the best! I knew he was too stubborn to convince now, when he had just witnessed everything and was enraged. So I neutralized the situation.  
"Lets just stay here awhile. We can think about it and get a plan, this isn't anything to mess with!"  
With that his voice softened, he turned away with his head down.  
"I thought I knew you better Misty, I thought you would want to get back at whoever did this. But I see you're just a coward."  
Oh that hurt, especially coming from him. I really hadn't been this way, I had been just as fiery as he had been, maybe more. HE had actually been the one to come up with the idea to wait, and settle down, but that had been after another attack.

I released the death grip that was holding a sleeping bag to my ribs. The fabric was cold as I rolled it out along the ground, then slipped in fully clothed. I started shivering. But the sun was up, and the wind was down. Now I was punishing myself; how could I act that way? You're not acting the way you would've, and what if you loose Ash all together?  
I turned my head. His back was towards me, and his right hand drifted against his face then returned. Wiping tears probably. Ash had a lot to cry about; Pikachu, first Pokemon and ever faithful friend. He trusted Pikachu, Pikachu trusted him. There were no secrets. Brock, the brotherly figure. Advised, directed, and taught. And now me, acting totally out of character. I was making this harder.

"I'm sorry, Ash."  
I saw his head turn at my voice. Bloodshot eyes met mine.  
"I said 'I'm sorry.'"  
With a shaky voice, and through clenched teeth he replied, "I heard what you said."  
This was definitely wrong, he looked.....furious. So I moved a little closer, slithering in my sleeping bag.  
"What's the matter?"  
His eyes narrowed and gleamed glassy like a cobra, "I want revenge Misty."  
It had happened so fast, he had cried already, drenching the ground below to a soggy state. But now it was anger, a great hatred towards those who had brought all the suffering upon him. And who could blame him? I had felt the same way; the two of us had harnessed it, and controlled it, together. But I cannot act that way now! Is it required that I act? I can't burst out in tears, I can't fake a rage. I'm only human: Unable to call upon these great inner emotions at will. 

"I want revenge too..." My voice cut off there as the words finally sank in to my own consciousness. Damn right I wanted revenge! So I had to say it, "..You don't know how much I want it."  
Finally a response, he turned his head slightly to stare monotonously at me, "But I want it now. I want to track them down and assault them with my bare fists."  
I ran my tongue across dry lips, "You wouldn't get revenge by killing yourself." He didn't respond, so I kept going, "They're sure to come back, so why don't we be ready? A plan to find out who they are, exactly."  
Or I could just tell you Ash, but......that wouldn't be fair, and you wouldn't want to know.   
His head moved in a gentle nod, "I think I have an idea...."

It was around two days later, and I was thankful for remembering my sleeping bag this time. We had camped out in that clearing at night, and during the day were on a constant watch for anyone out of the ordinary, or anyone at all. Now it was dusk, the sky looked a dark shade of royal blue. No, not navy, just dark royal. Clouds circling above us looked black, and even though the setting may sound haunting it was actually quite relaxing and peaceful. In the dead silence Ash and I must've been holding our breath. The gun had a silencer on it too, because all I could hear was the sound of the bullet rushing through the air. The leaves beside my foot flung up in the air and rustled; that is what you call a close call. But we had a plan, and it was executed as Ash ran behind one tree, me behind another. Ash motioned his hands for my attention and mouthed "Wait." 

The leaves again crackled and flew near my feet. I peeked around the tree, but there was no one there and no rustling in the bushes either. Suddenly Ash started running towards me, trying to get behind the same tree. The whistling of a bullet came, but instead of hitting the ground, Ash fell. Please no, not again! I was just about to go to him, when he lifted his head and nodded gently for me to stay. It was then I realized that there were no more sounds, whoever had been shooting at us was gone. So I went to him, preparing to see any wounds that might have been inflicted. Expect the worst Misty. But there was nothing to be seen, no damage had been inflicted. 

"I tripped, that's all." He finally concluded, as I wiped my eyes. Ash started to stand up, but I sat down so he just stayed. My heart was still pounding; that fear had overtook me again so I couldn't help but ache. His black hair was drooping over his eyes, but I could still tell that they were closed in thought. A brisk wind brushed by and I couldn't help but shiver as the sky turned to ebony. "I have it." I jerked up at the unfamiliarly deep voice, and looked around for the source. Then a hand on my shoulder, "What's wrong Misty?"  
"Didn't you hear that voice?" I whispered back, but immediately felt stupid. It had been Ash. But he laughed and cleared it up in the open,   
"That was only me." What a relief the sound of his normal voice was, and the sound of laughter again. He just sounded so different when he was serious, almost like someone else I had known not too long ago. The image of him was almost clear in my memory when Ash spoke again, snapping me back to reality. "I really do have it Misty."

My eyebrows came together in a puzzled frown, he noticed and started to explain, "It's impossible for us to find out who's behind this just by waiting for them to attack, we have no defense. I say we learn to fight. I would go home, but.....I don't know if my mom would understand what happened, and she'd probably just tell me to call the police."   
There was a pause, as he closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "I have to get them myself. So I've decided that we should stay here. My Pokemon could help us build a small house, and.....and I will learn to fight."  
How do you respond to such a determined, well, command? I suddenly realized at how little I'd done to change anything, because this was almost exactly what had happened the first time. But, what could I do? Now was not the time to rack my brain for ideas though. "I...well...if you think that's the only way..?"  
"It may not be the only way, but it's the only path I'm going to follow."  
There was pure determination gushing through his veins, I could sense it by the look in his eyes. He always got that whole intimidating aura around him whenever he was about to battle. Even though this wasn't involving Pokemon it was a battle non-the-less. Everything around me seemed to turn yet a shade darker of black. Oh how I was beginning to loathe the night. It gave me time to think, and time to worry, and time to wonder what I could've, should've, or might've had. The night just lasted too long.

"Ash, I think we should be getting to bed." I stated, after quite a long pause. He just nodded and mumbled something that sounded like "I will in a minute." And so I stumbled blindly back to camp. Luckily it wasn't too far away but I found myself shivering from the eerie surroundings and the lack of company. My body warmed up quickly after I had slipped into my sleeping bag, but I tried to stay awake and make sure Ash made it back. As I lay there awake it donned on me that I couldn't hear a thing; it didn't seem he was coming back yet. If he was sad, angry, reflective, or just plotting revenge he was doing it silently. God, why couldn't he just be normal? I scratched that thought quickly; I wouldn't be alive if he was normal.

Ever play with Lincoln Logs? Those toys where you make all those building and towns just to have them entirely wrecked by any person that happens to walk by? Well...this was the same thing; only much larger. And making a house once was tough enough. But two times? And I certainly hadn't learned how the first time either; I was making the exact same mistakes. But it slowly came along over a period of what seemed like weeks, when in reality it was probably only 6 days. Thankfully Ash was again smart and asked a group of Caterpie to bind the logs together. Who knows what could've happened if he hadn't.

Our 'house' definitely wasn't anything special; nothing near a mansion. Two tiny bedrooms were attached to each side of a small living room/kitchen. And there wasn't exactly a kitchen yet; I still had to run to town and purchase a dirt cheap stove. But we did have furniture! Ash's newly captured Scyther, which I must say was the biggest blessing this time and the last, was having a grand time with his carving skills. We had beds that filled up about 80% of our rooms and a chair to fill up another 10%. Perhaps the beds were useless, because we just used our sleeping bags on top of them, but even I had to say that it made them more comfortable. The only thing in the living room was a table and chairs, but that left enough room to actually move. It worked.....and it sickened me. This house, this plan for the house worked. But I didn't. Heck, I didn't even have a plan.

I was asleep, but it mustn't have been a very deep sleep, because at the faint sound of my door opening and foot steps, I woke up. My vision was deeply blurred, but the outline of the form beside my bed was familiar enough for me to half moan, half whisper, "Ash.....what're you doing here?"  
I thought I saw a trace of a smile before he sat down in the chair beside my bed, so I sat up too and smiled back. Apparently I looked as silly as I felt because he raised an eyebrow in puzzlement and asked, "Uh, are you sure you know who I am?"  
"Sure! You're Ash Ketchum, from the town of pallet.." I started to recite his own speech but my voice suddenly began to grow softer. It was lowering in the same speed that my eyes were clearing. The speech had become an indecipherable whisper when I suddenly stopped and gasped. Apparently I also inhaled some saliva in the process because I started coughing uncontrollably. He quickly stood up and patted my back inquiring, "Are you okay?" The shock of his touch caused me to scoot away like an abused puppy, "You're.....you're....real?" Tears were coming down my cheeks, but I wasn't crying; the coughing had caused my eyes to water.   
"Did you think I was a ghost?" His voice was certainly real; I shivered.  
"Yes! I......well, you were dead. Weren't you?"  
"Not quite." He took a deep breath, as if preparing for a long explanation, so I made myself more comfortable by moving into a cross-legged position and adjusting the sleeping bag over my bare legs.  
"I'm not exactly sure myself, but I have a guess. I was dying when you went back - but....I wasn't dead."  
He looked like he was about to continue, but I'd heard all I needed to hear. I could feel tears of joy coming on as I rushed to hug him, whispering into his chest, "Ash....you're alive!"  
It must've looked weird: A girl hugging a full grown man. But I didn't care; it was still him, and I was still me.  
I was enjoying his unique feeling again, totally absorbed in unexpected happiness, when it hit me that he wasn't hugging back. He actually felt quite rigid; almost like I was in the wrong. Just as I was pondering, I felt his hands rest carefully on my shoulders; but nothing else changed.  
"What's wrong?" I asked, gazing way up at him. I could see he was upset and almost guilty. He pushed me back so that I sat on the bed, and he again sat in the chair. Yet he didn't answer, he merely looked away and closed his eyes. So I asked again, "Why do you seem so sad? This is wonderful! Now we can work together, and-"  
"NO!" His head had turned so quickly black hair was completely covering one eye, but the remaining one felt like it was looking right through me.  
"But why?"  
"Don't you see? I'm not alive, I'm just not dead! And what about the other Ash? What will happen to him if we run off to destroy what he doesn't even know about?"  
He wasn't making sense, not alive?? Why couldn't we run off and destroy our enemies?  
"Then just what should we do?"  
The chair squeaked as he scooted it towards me, then it appeared he changed his mind because he moved it back.  
"That's why I came in the first place. It would be best if you stayed here...with Ash. You can live here you know, and you'll be happy, and be able to live out your life as close to normal as possible. If you're careful, you can make sure he doesn't learn anything."  
I couldn't believe what he was saying, stay here? Permanently??  
"What do you mean, stay....forever?"  
The conversation became softer, and reverent, compared to the almost heated argument before. And his reply was close to a whisper, "Yes. And you'll need to tell him..." The last part seemed hard to say; it looked like he cringed.  
"Tell him? Tell him what?"  
"How you feel about him..."  
I replied almost instantly, "But-" and he interrupted quickly, "I know there was something between us then. And, and I'd have loved to hear you tell me..."  
And that brought us both into a deep uncomfortable silence, not to mention a tension growing between us that I'd never felt before. I started biting the edge of my bottom lip; everything was just too unbearable, and sudden. Finally, I broke the sickening silence, "What about you?"  
"I'll be around. Don't worry about me." Tons of questions arose at that, but one seemed to stick out; one that still hadn't been answered.  
"How exactly are you not alive, yet here?"  
And I saw a smile, finally. It was one that made me melt.  
"I'm not sure exactly, I'm not sure about anything anymore. But I figure I'm like an object: I'm here, but you wouldn't call me alive."  
It took awhile for me to process it, but I just nodded in response.  
"You should get some sleep." Ash stood up and looked down at me with the caring eyes I knew. "Just......tell him tomorrow."  
I was silent as he walked out and latched the door. It was like someone had just dumped ice cold water on me and I hadn't gotten past the shock. And for some reason it didn't seem right to tell the other Ash that I loved him. I did, didn't I? My mind was just too set on the Ash that had walked out my door....

The odd shaped berries we had picked yesterday were actually quite good. I was sitting at our table munching away and entirely engrossed in other thoughts. Mainly, how in the world would I tell him? 'Oh Ash, by the way, did I mention I loved you?'  
Get real girl, it's not that simple. The door creaked a little as it opened and Ash came walking in. He looked rather disheveled as he seated himself across from me and popped a few berries into his mouth. I stared at him a bit, pondering yet again.  
"Well, the walls are all water tight now."  
It took me a couple blinks to drag myself out of a partial trance, "That's good."  
"Yea."  
Apparently he too was only halfway in reality. I snatched the final berry and swallowed. Good thing I did too, because Ash suddenly stood up, which would've caused me to choke if something had been in my mouth.  
"We're learning to fight now Misty."  
And my body was hauled out the door.

"Punch me as hard as you can!"  
We were standing, face to face. I didn't want to, but I knew that he'd eventually make me. No use in wasting energy, right?  
I threw a punch with my right directly at his left shoulder. Ash made no effort to block, so he absorbed all the shock. I was probably in more pain then him though, my now scrawny arms and muscles weren't used to this foreign force. Yet my mind knew more punches, jabs, and blocks, than I could list, or at least attempt to. My fighting skills weren't exactly what you'd call 'normal', since I never learned from someone who actually knew how.

"Again Misty." Ash commanded, standing before me and looking focused.  
This time I struck with my left, the weaker of my hands, aiming directly under the collar bone. But, unexpectedly, my fist met his hand. He'd moved it in front of the blow, but the momentum dragged his palm back so it was sandwiched between my fist and his chest. We then both stepped away from each other, and Ash shook his hand a bit.  
"Keep going, I have to learn."

It was if time froze then. That look in his eyes as he forcefully requested of me, shone out. He appeared stronger than he was in reality, mirroring to a tee the unexpected visitor from last night. I ran forward towards him without any intention on stopping and swung my fist around his neck. My body soon followed, crashing into his and causing him to take a few steps backwards. He must've been puzzled beyond reason, and I'm afraid I did nothing to cure that. I slowly moved my lips up to his, then darted and planted a kiss on his chin instead. To say the least; he was shocked. And I must've appeared drunk, from all these outrageous actions, not to mention the loopy smile I flashed.  
"Are you okay?"  
Ash shook my body a bit, latching his hands around my shoulders.  
"Never been better."  
I snaked my hand entirely around his neck; encircling it. And I could feel his palms moving closer together. It seemed that I stood there forever, waiting. I knew he'd eventually give in, but I never expected it to take this long. 'But he's young', I reasoned, suddenly feeling out of place. Yet then he moved down, capturing my lips. He was cautious, so I returned the kiss gently, trying to savor the moment. But for some reason my mind kept me at bay, constantly thinking, planning.  
Ash then pulled away, and I smiled at him contentedly.  
"We'll get revenge Misty, there's no doubt in my mind now."

It was late as I finally crawled into my sleeping bag. What a day. Yawning, I settled down to sleep, but the door suddenly opened. There was Ash again, the older one, the one I thought I had understood. He quietly shut the door and walked over next to me, it looked like he was about to say something when I heard the creaking of the door opening again. Just as I looked over towards Ash to tell him to hide, he was gone. But there wasn't any time to ponder where he had gone, the smaller Ash, clad in a pair of green pajamas bounded over to me.

"I just wanted to say goodnight."  
An awkward smile crossed his lips before he quickly placed them on mine. It was a short kiss, because he pulled away almost immediately after and ran out the door. I could tell he was happy though, he was acting like a little kid in a toy store, or a 10 year old who just got his first Pokemon.

My thoughts were interrupted as I saw a black figure rise from under my bed.  
"So that's where you were. Why...why did you come?"

His voice was low and sounded scratchy when he spoke, "I wanted to tell you that you did a good job. That's all."

I tried to smile, but this abrupt ache in my stomach prevented it. Instead I blandly spoke, "Yea. Good."

He turned and was almost to the door when I brought on a sweet voice asking "What? No goodnight kiss?"  
But I instantly regretted it. His head turned and full eyes narrowed at me. I could see fear, guilt, tiredness, and hate concentrating in those eyes. How could he always managed to get so much emotion into them?

His answering voice seemed just as full with emotion, "Not from me."  
Reprimanding, firm, and....did I catch a trace of sorrow?

Everything was silent when he left, including, for once, my thoughts.

_to be continued..._

This story is © Rainflower  
Thank-You to Nintendo and Game Freak for letting me use their characters (even though they don't know it).  
All original Pokemon characters, etc. are © Nintendo and Game Freak, not me!


	4. Unfathomable Jealousy

Book 5 

_Rewind  
Unfathomable Jealousy_

* * *

Jealousy. That haunting emotion that by definition means craving something that belongs to another. But then what was I feeling? Would it still be called jealousy in my case? What if you craved something you had, could've had, and didn't have at the same time? Can you be jealous of yourself? 

I peered around the tree, there was Misty and there was Ash. They were sitting on the grass hand in hand, and he leaned over giving her a soft yet long kiss on her lips. She was sweetly smiling with her eyes and Ash was beyond happy, it was a fantasy that never seemed fathomable. It was funny; this is what I told her to do. I was jealous of something I'd put upon myself! She was happy of course, but I couldn't help but think 'that could've been me' or even more unreal was the fact that he **was **me. That Ash got her, that Ash could live with her, that Ash could make her happy. But oh, not me, because I was the one that didn't really exist. 

I pounded my fist into the tree hard, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as everything else. If I was smarter she would be mine now. I clenched my teeth down and accidentally bit my tongue, causing blood to flow in my mouth. The taste was welcoming, that metallic flavor of blood made me feel alive. My mind was a blur of emotions overwhelmed at the sight of him kissing Misty, and being contented, but myself not feeling a thing. A picture formed, one of the imposter going further with her, feeling more of what I should've felt. They were really doing nothing of the sort; my head was forming hallucinations and pushing my rage upwards. Misty's scream was echoing inside my head, it wasn't a scream of fear though, it was of pleasure and it screamed out my name. Jealousy was now overwhelming my senses; that shouting of my name wasn't actually _mine_: it was _his.___

Luckily a sensible part of my mind awakened and stopped me as I charged towards the two. But I violently began punching the tree. With skillful moves I rapidly attacked, positioning the blows to hit directly on the face and chest if the tree had been a man. Unconsciously my knuckles were bleeding, but I craved the pain. Flesh was ripped against the rough tree, and I wouldn't even be surprised if bones were shattered. My punches were beyond mastered, and now fury was also powering them. I found myself mumbling words, and emphasizing them with blows, "That - Could - Have - Been - Me." 

It was after I was breathing heavily and my hair was dripping with sweat that I finally stopped my assault. Raking my fingers down the bark now stained a deep red I kneeled in front of the tree and rested my forehead against it. From the elbow down I was numb, my senses were throbbing, and adrenalin was still flowing. My eyes drifted over my arm, surveying the hardened muscles, and the caking blood. I was acting like an untamed animal, I had become this beast in the previous years that were now of the future. I fought, I killed, and I couldn't take the risk of being with her. She loved the gentle, innocent man I used to be. I tightened my fist one last time as anger flowed through; it was his fault. And no I don't mean the other Ash. I could blame this disaster on the enemy, the lifelong one with a hideous goal. And in a way, he had achieved it: because I ** was** a monster. But then again, there was something else that could hold the blame. I _ could_ blame everything on jealousy. 

_to be continued..._

* * *

This story is © Rainflower  
Thank-You to Nintendo and Game Freak for letting me use their characters (even though they don't know it).  
All original Pokemon characters, etc. are © Nintendo and Game Freak, not me!


End file.
